E fit no beta

My mind has been playing tricks on me, telling me things, giving me signs, whispering some nothings that made me feel special... I called it premonition but that's a bit to harsh for my mind even.

I saw a mass exodus of feelings,

People unmoved but their minds in pieces

They could feel, but couldn't feel feelings

It was hard to describe

So I kept quiet to the most

The few I told only said

It's just your mind playing tricks on you again

You need more sleep

More food

More rest

But the more I slept the more I worry for the truth

I needed them to listen, so I changed the approach

My mind has Been playing tricks on me

Telling me of an exodus of feelings

Of people unmoved by their feelings

But had their minds in pieces

They could feel, but couldn't feel feelings

Am sure you'll understand if it were just a story

So let's pretend it is just a story

So for a second, do you believe me?

There is a huge blanket of exhaustion on the face of the earth. A blanket of tiredness, nothingness, need for deep rest...

The feeling of total nothingness, the need to want to just leave everything behind and go somewhere that exists nowhere, the need to just be. 

I know you feel it too. It's not just you, it's a blanket over things, over people, over existence and it keeps crawling in, growing, enveloping, becoming too familiar and enticing, yet scary. 

A lot of people do not know this is what they're feeling because people are not speaking. But when the next person speaks, you realize you feel just the same, unique in your own ways, but all the same. Lost in your own mind.

The last year has made living and moving on difficult for the world, for reasons include the COVID 19 outbreak, the propaganda, loss of properties, jobs, lives, spread of negative vibes and emotions, and fear was the biggest and the most seen alive.

Nigeria was no exception, but felt it the worst because besides the virus, the lockdowns, the stolen palliatives by our changed system, and the powerful drop in the value of our dear naira and the paradigm on how the government want to owe workers while the market price keeps blowing and private sectors want to use employees while organisations put out request for interns so they pay a handsome 'chicken' change (while saying we are helping you, because we don't pay interns, you will gain experience), when they know you have the expertise and the organisation need you and not the other way around.

They'll introduce you in your absence as a professional but call you a person in the learning process to your face, tell partners they pay their employees handsomely but give you a hand shake and promise you exposure for a job you have done well. The biggest vile Nigerians faced the past year was the #EndSars saga.

Forget the fact that people had to play hard-guy and pretend it didn't hit them hard, plastering their walls on socials with the ### hashtags all in support of the ones who stood and fell. They saw the blood, the mockery the people in power made of the situation and the great divide. If we decide to revisit the moment, it would be bloody, the aftereffect hurts more and that is a fact we should face. Today 20/10/21 we plaster anew ### we won't forget, 1 year remembrance, Lekki toll gate.

This is the truth I have to preach again;

All of the feelings you tried to keep inside, to take in and be the hard-guy when you saw the stealing, killings, the blood, the betrayal, the sacrifice...

All the hope you built in disguise, the half baked healing you prescribed, the we go dey alright you pushed down your throat, telling your Gs the world will hear if it is televised, and we will get help in this hell of ours...

Now that you are trying to build again, telling yourself it was all in the past, they're all coming to be alive as your body has started to unconsciously give them permission to be. Those we go alright are now coming alive and your body is refusing to be alright. These feelings will overwhelm you, you will feel your head expanding and your heart breaking, you will loose appetite, hate the outside but want to leave where you are.

There is a huge blanket of exhaustion on the face of the earth. A blanket of tiredness, nothingness, need for deep rest, a great feeling of anxiety, the yearning to change something... anything, but not willing to.

I know you feel it, cos we all do. I would love to say the anthem e go beta, and add that if you haven't admitted to the feelings you won't feel it anyways, but I am sorry, you will feel it too.

Our minds have been playing tricks on us, telling us things, giving us signs, whispering some nothings that made us feel special... You called it premonition but that was a bit to harsh, even for your mind, so you rather told you you were fine and you'd be alright, but you didn't feel alright.

I know it is unfair, to say the least that you lie to yourself and say you are fine when you are absolutely not. 

Would you like me to change the approach once more... nah I won't sugar coat. Know the truth, it will only get worse before it gets better, but it gets easier, starting from when you talk about it. 

Hope died when you started patching your feelings with false hopes, Truth died when you started banking on e go beta, Compassion died when killings became business as usual. 

We all died when we denied the fact that through this means we are taking e fit no beta.