My depression story and how I escaped it III

Depression crept up on me before I knew what it was. I was 13, just on the entrance to teenage life when it knocked on my door, now I wouldn't say I shouldn't have opened the door, because all the beautiful glasses that make me up today came from those broken times, I would say I wish you Don’t also have to open that door for you to find the jewels in your cupboard, I would say I wish for you a different path, but if depression has you handcuffed already then know that sometimes the darkness is the blessing we curse.

At 13 there was nothing really interesting about me, I loved painting and didn't even know what, who, where I wanted to be in life. My elder siblings were in school then, being the last born in a family of five, it was only natural to be closest to the sister who directly above me in age. Well, all hell broke loose when she left for school, no she didn't go to a school near, she left the country to study, and like my elder brother who had done that too, it meant she wasn't returning till she Finished. The irony was that I didn't even think I would feel it that much, in fact I didn't even escort her to the airport or even to our front door, I thought I was a hard guy. Omo when loneliness coupled with terrible family issues hit me, all my edges broke and was replaced by something else, something darker, something broken, constantly piercing me till I couldn't bear the pain alone so I began bleeding on everyone around. I became rude, sarcastic and withdrawn from anything like empathy.

Each day I fell deeper into the darkness, away from any close one and so I became suicidal, no I didn't want to end my life because in my religion the sin is a big one and the idea of suffering here and going over there to suffer eternally was too scary, so instead I just wanted dying. I would envisage myself being hit by a truck or falling off on a road or some other dangerous thing that could make me leave this earth. Now I think about it, those thoughts never made me happy, so I know now that I didn't really want to die. I was just tired and needed a break, I just wanted peace and light and I didn't even know how to get there.

Well, light came to me by Gods mercy, I became the poet I am today, an eloquent speaker and spoken word artist, became this lady who looks at someone's heart within their words, this lady who teaches others to give someone benefits of doubt rather than judging them. I became this lady who tries to guide others to their light, and no I am not in anyway perfect now, I still have this terrible communication skill that I believe is an aftermath of pushing others away for too long but among other things, I became the lady who believes that every skill can be developed, that every character can be changed, that everyone can be whoever they choose to be. 

So hang in there whoever you are, I Don’t see you, but I guess if you are reading this then we have similar pieces, just hang in there, you would find your way soon. And no, Don’t suffer here to suffer there(hereafter) too, suicide might seem like the best option Now but it's only cause you don't see life beyond where you are at now, there's a whole lot in front of you and believe me you would find your light if not in others then in yourself and God.

Brave Anonymous5