LOST PACT

(To a lost friend.)
A lot of times I just sit and wonder if you were ever real
or just a fragment of my too good to be true imaginations.
I wonder if all the charm and aura were ever formed from a real time-line.

If we could call it truce by saying nothing, then I would wear that dress;
the first and only gift you gave me 8years ago like a prized trophy…
But truce is not even a word atoned to our lost pact.
I remember without distortion the first time we had that chime in our ears
and the butterflies in our stomach,…
but funny as it may sound, everyday was an actual first,
because everyday just felt differently right.

I remember when you told me about your dreams, your hopes,
your creepy little surreal fantasies.
I remember that night you called me and you cried all through the conversation,
and there seemed no sense to your talk, but I understood.
The typical African mentality is food first, fish last,
but our mentality was fight for your fish first, food next.

Do you still remember how you teased me with my allergies?
How you would make cryptic gestures I never understood?
How you lied about hating mathematics?
How you gave my stories crazy endings?

You always told me that good things made me cry much more that the bad,
and you said it was all a flaw in the programming of my tear gland.
Funny how that sounds now.

They say looking back on the journey of life, that;
The happy memories would make you cry
and the sad ones would make you laugh,…
maybe that is why I cry about you the most.
Everyday, virtually everyday I ask myself where it all went wrong,
how it all went wrong.

Common saying says in a far distant relationship, there are four happy people,
Maybe, that is just it in our case, maybe it is just a thing of place.
I wonder if you ever miss those days, if you ever think about me,
or how being together once felt.
I wonder if back then the times were just a fuss to you,
 if you ever believed in the miracle of friendship.

I wonder, I wonder if you are somewhere out there talking back,
thinking the same thing, typing the same script, listening to the same song,
drinking your coke alone or searching for a way back.

I wonder if I was all wrong, and you felt the same way too.
If you felt hurt and left out of my life.
Now I can not help but say that;
I wish you never made me all of those promises,
I wish you never made me feel special,
I wish we walked pass each other, that faithful day.
I wish I got drunk alone on my birthday,
I wish you did not sing my favorite songs with your cranky voice,
I wish you never forgave my every mistakes,
I wish you did not listen to my every whim,
I wish I was not hurting now because of you,
I wish we never planned about tomorrow,
I wish we never made plans for two.
But truth be told, if I had not met you,
I would never have known this side of me,
I would never have understood the true meaning of friendship,
companionship, love, stupidity, fun, betrayal, or tears.
I would not have had this side of me to keep me this rooted and experienced in pain.

But sometimes I also wonder if it was just the weather,
or the adrenaline rush, or the teenage crush on life.
Sometimes I wonder if I did not hold the good enough impression,
if my writings did not mean a thing to you, if I was just a passing mistake.
Almost every time I wonder if you never got Us wrapped around your head, or,…
If it was just Me, Me and my wishful thinking,
wishing We could become Us, and two in-twin as one.
Maybe it was just the breeze,
Maybe, it was just me.

But let me leave a real time message,
If you are somewhere out there talking back,
 thinking the same thing, typing the same script,
listening to the same song,
drinking your coke alone or searching for a way back.
Damn I miss the good old days, and 8years is not too far back.
This is me raising the white flag,
This is me saying I want you back.
Dear lost friend.

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Yours truly Mercirick.